CS Lewis

"there are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to
God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'THY
will be done.' All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-
choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly
desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock
it is opened."

-CS Lewis


I read "The Great Divorce" (by CS Lewis) over the weekend. I recommend it. Interesting perspective on Heaven/Hell... I've found CS Lewis to be a very interesting perspective on a lot... I feel like he would have been interesting to talk to in person. A former athiest, turned Christian... good stuff!

also would recommend "Mere Christianity" to anyone curious... it's another interesting perspective.

I guess I'm using interesting perspective a lot, but still, read if you're so inclined. :)

O Happy Day! :)

I have noticed that lately I've been having just this uncontainable happiness sometimes and I just thank God for it every minute! This is what I was missing all those years that I tried to find something or someone to make me feel "whole" or content. I've gotten contentment and I know it comes from just one place. It's been one long journey to get me here but it's funny how hindsight makes things so much more obvious. I needed every bit of what led me here just to get here. I guess I still sure wish I HADN'T needed some of it... but well, what was, was. And it's just amazing to be able to finally forgive myself for some of it because I FEEL forgiven... it's so tough to explain without sounding like a wacko to those who don't already understand...

Anyway,
more on this earthly level, life's been busy but good for the past week or so. Not working as much as I would like, but that's starting to pick up a bit lately-- I work almost every day this week and next. So yay for that, it'll sure help when rent is due in a week!

I had the fitting for Jen's bridesmaid's dress-- (my brother's fiancee). I like the dress much better in person than in the picture! The color is a lot more flattering than just a bright yellow would have been. I need a LOT of alterations though. Apparently, I have size 10 hips and like a size 4 top. Oh well, unimportant really.

Thursday I was in Milwaukee and got to see Jenny's ring! PRETTY!! and then went out with the ladies for my birthday. Thanks for the good time girls!

I was home friday and saturday and that was really nice. My grandma, Aunt Jeanne and Aunt Ellen were around so I could hang out with them, a rare treat! I also got a chiropracter's appt in and needed a LOT of adjusting. Guess waitressing is throwing my back a bit out of whack. I notice that it's much better now though!

Then Saturday I got to meet with an old friend, an old GOOD friend. It was such a great morning, every time I talk to her I feel very hopeful and just generally good... plus I got to drink my favorite-an iced chai latte! :) So thanks Em, it's been good reconnecting with you!

Saturday was also Jen's shower--luau themed... very fun. The decorations were great and everything went off without a hitch. Even the rain had perfect timing.... we did gift opening outside and JUST after Jen opened her last gift, it started sprinkling and so we pulled everything inside and JUST after getting it all in--it poured down.

Speaking of rain... the sermon at Blackhawk Sunday was about Psalm 19, which is partly about how God reveals Himself in the heavens... so the storms of the past few days have just kind of been putting me in awe. Imagine the greatness of a God who can design and create our world. It's so complex and so GREAT and yet so ordered and just so amazing... the pastor said something that really made me think-- he mentioned a storm that he was watching from the top of a mountain out west on the annual high school trip out west with the church... and he said that it occured to him that he was watching a worship service... creation was worshiping it's Creator by doing what it was created to do (storming)... which got me thinking more about it and I realized that by doing what I can do and by being myself I worship MY creator... That I should use everything I have to do my best at whatever it is I end up doing and THAT in intself will be worship...
now the trick is just figuring out what in the world it is that I am supposed to DO!

So that's my brief rundown of how I've spent my time and what I've spent time thinking about... my life of the past 10 days, in a nutshell.

:)

New Directions, Old Friends and Optimism

I've been having a pretty uneventful and yet life-altering summer... strange in that way.

Nothing much is new... and yet I guess there is a lot that's gone on...

so I'm now 22. Had a birthday somewhere in the past few days and that was fun. Went to Pat McCurdy for that and he sang to me! (in fact almost every song he worked in something about my birthday or me)

then the day after that the Dog and Everything played at Journey with Epic Hero, Normal Like Me and some other bands.... I really like Epic Hero, I'd recommend givin' em a listen: my favorite songs, "Angel" and "You Forgot my Name" and "Tear her Down" and "Stay Awake"...

so that was good too. then Thursday was karaoke night at Madison's and Mary invited me to go... since I knew there would be 2 cute boys there (granted, not really my type now, but still cute!), I went... we ended up singing I will Survive and Build me Up Buttercup... good stuff. :)

Then Friday night I got to spend at home with my mom and sister getting ready for Jenny's (my brother's fiancee) shower... we threw her a lingerie shower, in dainty ladies' tea-party style... very cool! :)

so the shower was actually on Saturday and so saturday morning was spent finishing up the preparations... but before doing that-- I got up early to meet with my old friend meredith... like another sister to me, really. It's amazing how some friendships you can sort of "pick-up" at anytime and it's just like where you left off... That's been one of the highlights of this year for me, was getting back in touch with Mere and starting to get to know her as she is now... the same, just grown up a little. It'd been almost 10 years since really talking/connecting with her...

So then Saturday night after the shower I had to get back to town to go to ANOTHER show-- Ludo with Go Betty Go and some others.... I liked Go Betty Go as well... so two new bands that I like within a week... not too shabby!

Sunday was a nice relaxing day... I got to sleep in and just take it easy and end up with Blackhawk. It's amazing but church has really become the highlight of my week!

Today was just boring... work and then sweatin' some more in my hot, stuff apartment...

I did watch some Ali G for the first time, it's a guy who's got a show on HBO-- it's hilarious... he pretends to be a pretty dumb rapper type thug who interviews people for a "show" and the ruse is that he ACTS like he's serious about the questions and stuff... but he asks the stupidest things to REAL people, like Newt Gingrich or Ralph Nader or Buzz Aldrin... he asked a former attorney general why the "heartbeat" was so boring, and why it couldn't have a cooler beat... he asked Buzz if he was upset that he wasn't the first guy to walk on the moon, if he was ever jealous of Armstrong... and the whole time these guys, (the interviewees), think that they're being interviewed for a serious british program...

it had me almost rolling on the floor a couple times! :)

Celebrating Summer... and Working... early

So the past few days have been eventful and pretty fun...

Last Thursday was Summerfest day for me-- I headed to Milwaukee in the hopes of seeing Weezer but learned, much to my chagrin, that the free grass seats were gone within 15 minutes of being offered... which of course was like 2 hours before I was able to get there.

So no weezer... but I did get to walk about the grounds and people watch... where do some of these people come from is all I have to ask! It was me, Sara and Jenna for most of the day until Kim joined us after work. :) Then the evening's entertainment included 2 back-to-back shows of Pat McCurdy! Not too shabby, not too shabby at all. We even were on stage for the last song of each show... Jenna got hit on by some interesting fellows... as did Kim and I... guess that's the nature of Summerfest.

Unfortunately I had to work bright and early at 6 am the next day, which meant a nice long drive home that very night AFTER summerfest... didn't hit the road until like 12:30 (after quite the adventure of trying to get GAS in ghetto-ville milwaukee!) Honestly... "hiding and chatting, chatting and hiding, don't mind me I'm just hiding and chatting".... as I ducked my head into the car to talk to Sara and avoid talking to the ratty old man at the gas station who said something about him and his brother and then elaborated with "wait 'til my brother gets out here... you'll LIKE him..." slightly creepy! But we made it home safe!

and the next day I got a nice suprise and only worked like 6-10 instead of 6-2:30 like I'd thought! didn't end up doing much Friday, just spent a couple hours at the terrace... was an interesting hiphop group playing and beautiful weather so I stayed there until about 10 with Ericka, Tia, Morgan and Mike. Good times, great oldies. No, seriously, there were some really funny old people there---as we were leaving, we walked past a group of upper-middle aged people, on of the men was trying to dance to the hiphop, quite comical really, and one of the older ladies said, QUOTE: "get down with your bad self"
I think it just about made my night. I like to see people having fun!

Saturday was another workday for me--this time really 6-2 so I was zonked by the time I got home, but Anna came to town and we went to Olive Garden for a dinner I really couldn't afford to buy myself... on the upside we had a very cute waiter who chatted us up quite a bit! yay... hehe

the drive to the restaurant was interesting, as we had a somewhat deep conversation. I don't think I was really able to get my point across about what I was thinking in relation to the topic, which was whether or not God was fair and just... and I am never too comfortable pushing things, particularly with most of my friends.

In any case, after dinner we cleaned up and headed out for the evening but I really wasn't feelin' it too much. Highlight of the evening though, saw Jess from Mack and then also J-Ro for a bit at the end of the evening.

Today has been relaxing so far, I slept in, watched the news on hurricane Dennis, and then went to lay out for a bit in James Madison. Next on the to-do list: shower and church. I am so excited to go to Blackhawk. It's amazing how a talk with someone can just boost morale immensely. :)

Prayers for my Uncle Pete and family, those in Dennis' path, and the Londoners who are suffering as a result of the terrorist attacks...

The Athiest meets Papa Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him so he turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my GOD! ...'

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the Bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out, the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"LORD, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through CHRIST our LORD, Amen."

don't do this...

so, if you're a guy you should NEVER go up to someone and say "you were sitting with the girl in the pink top right? do you know her? is she single? where is she?"

it does not go over well. Most girls will be polite enough to answer your questions but believe me it leaves an impression and definitely hurts.

Happy 4th, y'all

So, it's the 4th of July and it hardly seems like a holiday... I drove down to 'Tosa for a brazilian churrasco (barbeque) at my sister's house so that was sort of "4th-of-july-like"... it was a great bbq, lots of beef and some beer (not too much since I had to drive home) and homemade ice cream with caramel and chocolate sauces! yum!! Getting to see the family is always nice and Jess and Matt have very fun friends, so in all, a pretty good day. Plus, the drive out to their place and back home gave me some time to reflect on the REASON for today's celebrations: our independence and freedom. I think that is something that often gets forgotten in the whirl of parades and flags... there are thousands upon thousands who've died, first in the revolution and later in the wars that continued to keep us free... I think we owe it to THEM to remember our freedom today.


On a less serious note, :) the entire weekend was actually pretty darn good if you ask me! I started out by being in Milwaukee on Friday night where we (me, Kim, Jenna, Nicole) hit the dance club, Rain. We started the evening off right with free parking and admission, just because we were so darn cute. I'm not kidding. :) then it was $2 night so EVERYTHING was just $2... which made it a cheap night out! We got some dancing in, got groped on the main floor and then decided to move up to the catwalk, where granted, all could look at us, but no guys could get up there to bother us! score! :)

Saturday I headed back to Madison at a reasonable time just so I could be sure to be here for Anna! She got in and we left directly for a housewarming bbq at Morgan's new place. He had pork cookin' on the grill and "I like pork". Yum! Plus he can play Mr. Wilmington on his guitar... so what I have to say to Tia is, "hang on to that one!"

Saturday night, Kim and Jenna arrived and we went to the fireworks show! Rhythm and Booms was pretty good this year, even set to some Phantom of the Opera music which I LOVED... so yay for that. We had a whole crew too, me and the milwaukee girls plus sara and skidz and then Tia and Morgan and his friends from home... not too bad! After the show we headed back to get ready for going out. We hung out, had a beer or two then made our way to the red shed... where we enjoyed the long islands and I got my butt kicked by skidz in both darts and pool!!

Sunday was lower key, with the terrace and buying a beautiful bracelet followed by some Gritty action. :)

The storms on Monday morning... magnificent! :)

a sidebar to my last post:

I reread and realized that it came off a little negative when I said that some chapters of life aren't worth reopening-- but I want to add to that:

there are plenty of chapters of life that ARE worth looking back on and sometimes you can add more to them and that enriches your life a lot...


so now that everyone is thoroughly sick of the "life-is-a-book-with-chapters" analogy, I will cease and desist.

so I guess I am moved out completely pretty much?

Spent today packing all of my things into storage boxes and one big trunk. so my room pretty much doesn't have much of ME in it anymore here in Racine. It's so strange... but I'm definitely ok with it.

Washed my car today as well, and did all my laundry. That was good...

Then I made lemon-pepper chicken with rice and green beans. Delicious, but the chicken turned out a little dry because I left it on too long waiting for my company to arrive... eh well.

I had a dinner guest, Matt, and it was an interesting night--we conversed about a pretty big variety of topics and then ate ice cream. All-in-all a pleasant evening, even though I'd had my heart set on soft-serve ice cream, either in Blizzard or McFlurry form... and I ended up with scoops of hard vanilla from our freezer here... eh well.


So, one thought that occurred to me in this trip home was this:

Sometimes there are chapters (of life) which you finish with and really shouldn't reopen. When by accident you stumble back upon them and review, you realize that they really weren't the "best-selling" literature you'd thought...

perhaps I should've been busy moving forward into the next chapter tonight at karaoke at Madison's. Eh well, always next week at the Pat show!

another pearl of wisdom, this is something Kim told me that I need to keep in mind more often I think:
"never make someone else your priority while allowing yourself to become their option"

and lastly, this is a command: listen to Making April-- www.purevolume.com/makingapril

but don’t say we became to late
well I just think you’re humoring yourself
and let me say one more thing before you fly
and this charade is out of sight
well I’ve been wrong but now I’m right
so let your precious sky come down on you tonight